After two miscarriages and unsuccessful IVF treatment, we considered adoption because we wanted to add to our family and we felt we had a lot of love to give. At that time though, it just seemed like too much of a big leap to make. We’d been trying for a baby for four years and we needed a break.
About 18 months later, we were at my husband’s sister’s house. She had adopted four children and had two birth children who were then teenagers. Each of them had recently sent their mum a mother’s day card, and each had written a heart-warming message inside that expressed their great affection for their mum. That was the turning point for me. Adoption could be another way to create a loving family. It was shortly after that that I made the first call to the local authority’s family placement team. From then on, I never felt any doubt that this was what I wanted to do. Around 18 months later, two delightful children, a boy and a girl, then aged five and six, joined our family.
“We’ve got them, they’re ours!” I put the phone down and burst out of my office as though I had just scored a penalty for England!
The assessment process sometimes felt intrusive but we both felt it was a positive experience. It was a chance to reflect on our lives and to learn more about ourselves and each other. I didn’t expect it to help us become more rounded as individuals and stronger as a couple. I also didn’t expect to develop such a good relationship with our social worker. When it came to the adoption panel – all the panel members were so welcoming, we felt supported rather than tested.
We enjoyed the adoption training. It was a chance to meet other people, many of whom had had similar experiences to us. We were also bound together by a shared hope and a potential future that none of us could ever imagined.
Hearing about some of the traumas that these children had faced was daunting. Fortunately, an adoptive dad speaking at a training day reassured us that although his son had a number of issues, he was still a child so like so many other children We made some good friends on the adoption training course and as more of us had children placed with us, our support network and the children’s friendship group grew. Ten years later, we are still in touch with two of these families and we’ve been able to support each other over the years.
We found our children during an exchange event. Having seen their photo and talked to their social worker, we both had a strong feeling that they were going to be our children. After lots of discussion and reading of profiles, our social worker rang my husband with the good news. He rang me straight away and squeaked out the words…”We’ve got them, they’re ours!” After lots more squeaking from both of us, I put the phone down and burst out of my office as though I had just scored a penalty for England!
Part 2 of Jane’s Blog coming soon.
If you would like to adopt a child call our friendly team on 0800 587 9900 or come to an information event